Relationship

Research has found that a secure parent-child attachment leads to optimal development in children. A few benefits of secure attachment include:

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• better emotional regulation and coping during stress

• stronger leadership qualities

• greater academic success

• closer, more positive, and more effective relationships from pre-school to adolescence

• more trusting and non-hostile romantic relationships in adulthood

• more empathy

• greater social competence ​(Siegel & Bryson, 2020)

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I don't know any loving parent who would say they don't want their child to grow up with these qualities. It's fascinating that what has been proven to lead to these qualities is not how well we teach them to read or feed them the right food (while those things ARE important and do aid in optimal development); the most influential piece in optimal development in children is relationship.

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Even more fascinating to me is that the type of parent you need to be in order to form a secure-attachment with your child is the exact type of Father that God is to us. How mind-blowing! Science proves that imitating God's character in relationship with our children leads to their optimal development. 

 

So how do we form a securely-attached relationship with our kids:

1. Make them feel seen and known. The way God makes you feel seen and known. Psalm 139:1-3. "O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways" (ESV).

2. Make them feel safe. The way God makes you feel safe, physically and emotionally. Psalm 91:14-15. "Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him" (ESV).

3. Make them feel soothed and comforted. The way God comforts you when you’re sad or in need.  Matthew 11:28-29. "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls" (ESV).

4. Make them feel secure. Make sure they truly know your love and grace for them is not conditional on their good or bad behavior. Just like God‘s love and grace for us is not conditional on our good or bad behavior. Romans 8:38-39. "For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord" (ESV).​​​